


Antes que se acabe

by bbaejin (moonsbbin)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Crying, I'm so sorry Changbin, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, i'm so sorry jisung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:54:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28797960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsbbin/pseuds/bbaejin
Summary: “Wait.” Jisung is already by the door when Changbin speaks. He stops. Regrettably, again, but he stops. Doesn’t look back, though. “Can you kiss me, before it’s over?”
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	Antes que se acabe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bxbble_racha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bxbble_racha/gifts), [SmilesUpp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmilesUpp/gifts).



> I wrote this short drabble impulsively in less than two hours after listening to [this album](https://open.spotify.com/album/2d9BCZeAAhiZWPpbX9aPCW?si=gGgZD0AxRIyT5aTMffHigw), and, I don't know, I think it didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would. That being said, I hope you enjoy this fic.

“We have to talk.”

Changbin’s breathing is still heavy when he hears Jisung’s words. He lays on the bed boneless. His boyfriend is already getting up, throwing the condom to the side. He hasn’t tied it. Its content stains the floor. 

Changbin doesn’t really care. He’s still dazed, so he doesn’t care.

Then, he remembers Jisung’s words.  _ We have to talk.  _ Talk, about what? They  _ literally  _ have just had sex. They don’t talk much after they fuck. Jisung usually leaves, or Changbin hides inside the bathroom, or both, even. 

They don’t  _ talk,  _ as in the ‘we have to talk’ sort of way. So, now, to say that he’s scared is an understatement.

“What is it?” Changbin’s voice trembles as much as his legs when he stands up. He has the decency to get dressed. Jisung is fully clothed already.

Jisung is standing on the other corner of the room. He’s so far away. Somehow, it’s not just physically. Changbin can feel how far away he is emotionally, mentally, too. It’s like a punch to the stomach. It hurts more than that.

“I don’t think this,” he gestures to themselves with both his hands. He’s looking down. He wouldn’t dare to look at Changbin’s eyes right now, “is working anymore.”

Changbin wants to understand what he means. He really wants to, but he can’t. He opens his mouth, then closes it again. No words come out of his throat.  _ He can’t speak. _

“Please, say something.” Jisung has a hand running through his dark, long hair when Changbin looks up at him. He has always loved the way the dark locks frame his perfect face. 

“I don’t understand what… What you mean, with that.” His bottom lip is trembling. His lower lash line is starting to get wet with tears, a stray one falling down one of his cheeks. 

“Changbin-”

“Are you breaking up with me?” His voice breaks in the middle of the sentence. It’s inevitable. Jisung is the love of his life. He can’t do this. It isn’t  _ fair. _

Jisung sighs. He’s exasperated. It hurts him too. He has given Changbin his everything and a bit more. Apparently, it’s not enough.

“It has to be this way, Changbin.” He looks up for the first time, probably in the whole night. It’s been a while since they last look into each other’s eyes during their intimate moments. During life, in general.

“Why?” A few more tears have fallen down his face. There’s no way of stopping them now. They run down his cheeks like waterfalls.

“You know  _ why, _ Changbin.” 

He’s gathering up his things. Not only what he had carried with him when he came to his home not even an hour ago, but taking  _ everything:  _ the sweatshirt Changbin borrowed a few months ago, the toothbrush he kept inside his wardrobe, the bracelet he had gifted him for their first anniversary. It will hurt less for Changbin if he takes away everything related to him. 

“Hey, what are you doing?” He tried to stop him from taking the picture he has on his desk. It’s a selfie they took on their first holiday together. “You’re joking, right?”

“I’m not, Changbin.” He harshly takes the frame from Changbin’s hands, shoving it inside his bag. “We’re breaking up. You know why, so please, let me go.”

Changbin has a strong hand wrapped around Jisung’s forearm. He  _ won’t  _ let him go. He can’t leave him. 

“I don’t!” He sobs. “I don’t know why, Jisung, I don’t. What did I do? I can make up for it. I can, Jisung, please you  _ can’t  _ leave me! You can’t leave me!”

Jisung hates to admit that he’s crying as well. He had a plan. He was going to tell Changbin that they have to break up, he was going to take all his things and he was going to  _ leave. _ It’s harder to perform than to plan, though.

“You’re going to be better without me.” He shakes his arm to get rid of Changbin’s grip. They’re way too close. It’s not good.

“I won’t! Jisung, I need you, you don’t-”

“Changbin, shut the fuck up!” The older one gets paralized when he hears his boyfriend screaming. He has never screamed at him. Never, not even when they fight. This is more than fighting, he remembers. This is not a fight, this is a breakup. “How can I date a person that doesn’t fucking trust me?” Changbin opens his mouth to speak. Jisung shuts him up by speaking again. “You don’t trust me, you have  _ never _ trusted me. You don’t even look at me, God, I haven’t seen your eyes in months. And now you say that you need me? You don’t fucking need me. You need  _ me  _ to get the fuck out of your life. So that’s what I’m doing.”

It’s then when he realizes that maybe it really hurts more to him that to Changbin. Because Jisung  _ loves him.  _ He will love him forever. He has been his first love, his first boyfriend, his first kiss, his first time. He has moved heaven and earth for him. But Changbin has never known how to reciprocate. Jisung thought that it would take him a few months to fully trust him.  _ It’s normal,  _ he kept saying to himself. But the months turned into years, and that’s what has led them here.

Changbin is still standing in front of him. Crying, he’s crying. In silence now, but still crying.

“I’m sorry…” That’s the only thing he can manage in between his sobs.

“No, you’re not sorry.” He knows he will regret this in the future, but he moves his hand and reaches up to cup his face. For the last time. He runs a thumb under his left eye, wiping the tears pooling there. “I tried to make this work, you know? I love you, I love you so much, but if you don’t trust me, we can’t make this work. You will find someone else. I will, too.” He pauses, looking up at the ceiling to ground himself. Suddenly, he feels lost. “I have shared my best moments with you. I have given you everything I could. I’m sorry it wasn't enough.”

There’s a bittersweet smile painting his lips when he finishes. Changbin won’t stop crying. 

He has been selfish, he knows that far. He has never given Jisung even half of what he has given him over the years. He’s also right when he says that he doesn’t trust him. But he doesn’t trust anyone. 

Doesn’t trust anyone, because he doesn’t want to have his heart broken.

Ironic, it is, that having his heart broken is exactly what is happening to him right now.

Pain is what he feels, the moment Jisung’s hand leaves his face. He grabs his wrist before it’s too late. He’s looking up at him with pleading eyes. He’s begging. Begging for forgiveness. 

But he can’t say that he will be better for him in the future. Life has taught him to not believe in love. Having someone love him so deeply is only breaking his life into pieces. And he’s realizing that now, when he’s losing the only thing he has.

Yes, maybe Jisung is right: he will be better without him. The thing is, he prefers to die than to let Jisung go.  _ To have Jisung letting him go. _

Jisung gets rid of his grip once again. When he looks at him for the last time, he doesn’t let himself notice the way his lower lip trembles.

“Wait.” Jisung is already by the door when Changbin speaks. He stops. Regrettably, again, but he stops. Doesn’t look back, though. “Can you kiss me, before it’s over?”

It isn’t a good idea. Still, he turns on his heels and walks back to where his boyfriend -- ex boyfriend now -- is still standing. He shouldn’t do it. He shouldn’t cup his face once again and lean down to kiss him.

But there he is, cupping his cheek and leaning down and  _ kissing him. _

It’s almost funny how their lips are salty with tears. Jisung leads the kiss, as he always does, and he lets his own tears keep coming out. It’s also sad, how this is the way everything has to end, with their lips with each other as if they were made to be together. 

Jisung can’t blame himself for not trying, at least. He has tried with all his strength. He has poured all his willpower over the older. But it doesn’t work. There’s nothing he can do, not when it’s this late.

When they part, Changbin’s eyes are so swollen from crying that he can barely open them to see Jisung leave. And he leaves. He closes the door behind him without even looking back for the last time. 

Changbin doesn’t have any force to even breathe. He just stands there, the feeling of Jisung’s lips over his tingling on his skin. His mind flashbacks to when they first met. He was stargazing. Jisung was also there. A stranger, on the city’s mountain peak, sitting on the grass and looking at the stars. They didn’t know each other, but still, Jisung taught him about the constellations. Now, it makes him cry even more. When he looks out of the window, he can see the star that Jisung had named after him that night. And  _ that’s  _ what makes him break.

Jisung doesn’t leave, like Changbin thinks. He’s sitting by the door of Changbin’s apartment, crying as silently as he can so that the older doesn’t hear him. He himself can hear the sobs coming from behind the door, though. 

He thinks he has done the best for both of them, even when, after a long hour, he finally stands up from the floor and walks out of the building. This time, he looks back. Changbin’s room still has its light on. A single tear falls down his face and onto the pavement. It leaves a dark circle on the floor. More drops follow suit after his single tear.

It’s raining.

Jisung smiles, and it’s everything but happy.

_ It seems, the starry night is just as sad as him. As sad as both of them. It joins them in their crying. _

_ And it just manages to make them sadder. _

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always well appreciated if you enjoyed this work. 
> 
> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonsbbin) or on [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/moonsbbin). 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


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